Monday, June 23, 2008

New baby

My sister Karen had a baby boy last night. I am so excited for her. They named him Skylar, which is kind of funny because we were thinking about naming Ryley that. His big sister Reagan is already in love with him and was asking to hold him when they were at the hospital. It makes me wonder how different the relationship between Ryley and Kirye would be if they were 3 years apart. Ryley never asked to hold Kirye when he was a baby...EVER! I really do think she was jealous of him coming in to her perfect little life where she was everything to mommy and daddy. I love her so much, but sometimes I just wish she could be nice to her brother and understand how much it hurts him and me when she is rotten to him.

This weekend I spent an afternoon out with Kirye while dad stayed home with Ryley. We went out to lunch, which was a lot of fun. I didn't have to worry about Ryley wanting to sit in the high chair, even though she is almost 3. If Kirye gets a high chair, she wants one. So anyway, it was fun. We went to Quiznos and just ate our lunch and he was so content. While we were there I saw 2 girls walk in with these HUGE Starbucks creations. I had to ask them what they were because they looked so good (and so fattening!). I guess they were mint mocha chip frappuccinno's with whipped cream. The whipped cream was about 3 inches high! So, my curiosity got the best of me and I came home and looked on line to see how much fat was in them. If I put in the right drink, they have 22 grams of fat in them and 79 grams of sugar! Is that not insane???!! SEVENTY-NINE grams of sugar! That is crazy. And they had the venti ones, which are just ridiculously huge. I don't know why anyone needs a drink that big.

After lunch Kirye and I went to the grocery store, and he got a little sugar cookie at the bakery. It was so easy to shop, and it reminded me of when I only had one child to worry about. Everything was so much easier. I was so in love with Ryley and everything she did. Now that she is almost 3, I feel like she breaks me down so much physically, mentally, and emotionally. I often want to go back to the days when she is just 9 months old and listens to me and doesn't make me want to scream. But that is not possible is it? The whole purpose of this life is to grow and learn, and that is exactly what she is doing. At the same time, she is teaching me patience and tolerance, although I feel my patience level is not where I would like it to be. I need to try to stay positive. I feel like there are many more hard times than there are good times right now. I am constantly disciplining and feeling like every day is a battle. Some days I want to go back to work full time because I know it was easier than staying at home raising 2 children. People seriously underestimate how difficult it is being a mother. I feel so trapped sometimes and I don't know what to do. I hope some of you can understand what I am going through. I feel like I just needed to get this off my chest.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Being a mom may be hard, but it is so worth it. Try to find something everyday that you can be grateful for and your eyes will start to focus on that instead of how hard it is. Children are precious and they grow up way too fast, you will wonder where their childhood went if you only look at the how it is a struggle. Some people look at you with envy because they want children but can't.

Swishy said...

I think no matter what, there are going to be days where it is hard, hard, hard, and no amount of positive thinking will change that. I think you are awesome and I hope you feel like you can vent any time. And go get a pedicure!!!

Mama said...

Some days, i totally wish i were back at work being screamed and cussed at by the mortgage brokers that i used to deal with plus receiving over 300 emails a day asking about their files. that was so much easier than being a stay home mom. a lot of people say that being a stay home mom is easy and that we're so "lucky".. they think that all we do is sit and watch soap operas and veg out but the truth is that you're working 24 hours a day (hard). even when you sleep, you're working because you're listening for any noises coming from your kids room. also, when you stay home all day with kids, there is so much more to be done because they mess up the house constantly. if you dropped them off at day care while you went to work, they would only have a couple of hours a night to mess up the house and that would be much easier to keep up. no one would be home during the day to get into things. however, i do think the kids are "lucky" that their mom is able to to stay home. my mom wasn't able to since she was a single mother and i was off at day care all day. i think that's it's better for the kids if you stay home because they get the one on one attention that they need. but it is much harder on the mom because you don't get a lot of adult interaction and it wears you out most days. that's why it's so important for date nights with hubby's and girl/alone time for yourself. just a trip to the grocery store without the kids can be a real treat. sad, but true. also, sometimes when your husband gets home, you want to talk with him and interact and he just wants to veg out after working all day so that can be hard too. it is a blessing to be able to stay home, but it is also a challenge as well. some days are good and some days are bad just like working a "real" job. the only difference is that you don't get to go home and veg out at the end of the day. you never get to leave work! it's always there.

Mormishmom said...

Oh, I long for those days of 9 months old and no, "No, mom, that's so rude!" LOL I seem to have even less patience these days than when I taught a classroom for 28 2nd graders and I get so frustrated with myself. I'm glad I'm not alone. And I second the motion for a pedicure! Oh! And a starbucks tip I learned from a friend - get your drink w/o whip and order it light. It cuts the fat and sugar dramatically!

Leah & Mike said...

That is so cute that you and Kirye went on a little "date" together. Being a mom is VERY hard. I feel so guilty when I am frustrated with Addy, thinking I am such a horrible mom, but then I think (hope) that all moms go through this. There are bad days and there are good days. Your kids are adorable and you are doing a GREAT job! Once again, I love that you vent...you tell it like it is.

Emily said...

some days are just flat out hard!! maybe you would both benifit if she went to a mommy's day out like 2 days a week for several hours. I know that's what my mom did and my sister and they both saw wonderful results~she gets out and learns new thing and gets stimulated in different ways, and meets new people, and you get a little break~anyways just a suggestion.